Projection
by heystella
Summary: The rubber and antiseptic smell was there for good. Shihocentric, ShinichiShiho interaction. Thanks, ranmouri82, for the title!


Projection  
by Kaiyrah

The rubber and antiseptic smell was there for good. Shiho-centric, Shinichi/Shiho interaction.  
DC and characters, as usual, are not mine!

---

"_It is never too late to become what you might have been." – George Eliot_

---

As far as they were concerned, she was a tool.

A brain they could use in their operations, a genius to do their bidding. She wasn't quite as expendable as her sister, no -- her sister, though she had been in the organization a few years longer, was still a low-ranking member when Miyano Shiho was being given promotions left and right. To a certain extent, they valued her -- or rather, they valued her intelligence.

She had only been working directly under the organization for about a year or so when they let her stay in an apartment close to their main office. When this came about, she also earned a little bit of her freedom back and was free to move as she pleased -- though she had, on more than one occasion, felt the presence of an organization member watching her so she made sure not to engage in any actions that seemed even the slightest bit traitorous -- just to appease them.

She hated it. To any person passing her on the street, she looked no different from anyone else, but she couldn't enjoy living a normal life -- her sister had met up with her on one occasion and told her to go find a boyfriend she could divert her attention to -- Shiho simply frowned in response. It just wasn't that simple.

Research, experiment, wait. It was a cycle that she couldn't escape from. Even after she learned the news of her sister's death... All she wanted was a simple answer, but they couldn't give her one. They _wouldn't_ give her one.

She persisted.

They grew irritated.

Then into the gas chamber she went, the smell of rubber and antiseptic still on her fingers as she waited. No more of this, she decided quietly, extracting the drug from her pocket. No more.

---

"Nice job, Haibara."

She jolted out of her reverie with surprise, turning around in her seat to look in his direction. "Kudou-kun -- What are you doing here?"

The detective flashed a friendly grin as he approached her, closing the door behind him. "Well, I heard people talking about this great doctor down in Yokohama. Said she's young, attractive, but has a rather cold personality -- " At this comment she had to smile, "So I decided to see what the fuss was about."

Her old smirk came to rest upon her lips as she sat back in her chair and crossed her legs elegantly. "And what do you think, Great Detective of the East? This is my practice, and if it's really as you say, then my patients are leaving satisfied."

"It's fine as long as you aren't making drugs for the wrong purpose now," As soon as the words left his mouth, he wanted to mentally kick himself. That was not worded the right way.

Although he had indeed hit a nerve, she knew what he was trying to say as she looked down and nodded slowly. Yes, that time in her life was over -- constantly lying to others about her name and occupation whenever they would ask, dodging the police, never responding to that man's questions, being their head scientist -- then she betrayed them, and she was once again in hiding, using the alias Haibara Ai -- and she finally developed a permanent antidote. It had all happened within a hellish two and a half years, but now it seemed like just a figment of the distant past, a bad memory -- especially if she compared it to the relatively peaceful life she led at present. "I know, Kudou-kun. I've learned my lesson."

"I'm glad," he spoke, leaning against the wall. "I still have lots of questions for you, though."

She raised an eyebrow. "Such as?"

"Why did you decide to become a physician?" It didn't make much sense to him. He imagined that she would divert her abilities elsewhere -- in fact, he had imagined her doing something biotech-related rather than health science. He didn't doubt her abilities, but he was curious.

Shiho was silent for a few moments, pulling a few strands of reddish-brown hair under her chin, then letting them fall back into place. "To make amends is probably the best way to answer your question."

"Make amends?"

"I told you before, didn't I? You were the only one who wasn't confirmed dead after taking the drug. There were several others who took it aside from you and me -- at least twelve, though it's more than likely the number is somewhere around twenty or more," She shook her head. "The fact that so many people died after taking it... That thought still haunts me to this day. So, after I took the antidote, I thought that the appropriate way -- the only way I could fix things was to use my abilities to help people." She glanced up at him, a ghost of a smile on her face. "See? I'm not that unkind."

"I never said you were," Shinichi answered, throwing a glare in her direction, "But I'm surprised. I thought you were the type to just live with your mistakes, so I didn't think that you would take the antidote. But somehow, hearing this from you... I like this idea a lot better."

She shrugged. "I try."

A comfortable silence fell over the pair, and the detective found himself searching for the right words as he watched the woman examine the file in her hands. Words used to come so easily, but now... he wasn't sure what happened. He supposed that both he and she had matured -- grown apart to an extent. The change wasn't entirely shocking though, he had to admit -- their priorities were different now.

"So they," he lowered his voice to just above a whisper, "haven't contacted you then? You haven't heard from them since?"

She shook her head and kept her eyes to the file, though her mind began to wander. It was foolish to think that all of the organization members had been sent to prison -- she was sure that Vermouth and the boss were still out there somewhere; those two in particular had a gift of avoiding prosecution. However, most of the operatives had been put away. Shiho had seen Gin and Vodka among them as well. "It's been more than ten years since you helped bring down the organization. I was in school so I could get my doctorate, and the whole time I was going as Miyano Shiho. If they were going to contact me, they would have done so a long time ago."

"True," he agreed with a nod. Then, a thought occurred to him and he chuckled. "But you know, as scary as it was back then, it's something we can both laugh over now -- Gin was very persistent in tracking you down. It was almost as if he had feelings for you."

Her eye twitched. "That's... just uncalled for. Don't even joke about that." After hearing several people drop hints about it when she was still working in the organization, she had entertained the idea for a short while -- only to force herself to come to her senses. This was Gin they were talking about. He was the boss's favorite assassin, and he was only obsessed with going after a traitor. There was no chance that Gin still acknowledged something as delicate as a romantic feeling.

"Alright, fine," the detective raised an eyebrow, but he looked unconvinced.

She resisted the urge to roll her eyes. "Since we're on this topic, may I ask how Mouri-san is doing?"

"Ran? She's alright. Four months along," he answered sheepishly, scratching the back of his head. "So far she's not being too difficult, though I obviously couldn't tell her that I was going down to Yokohama today to go see a lady doctor. She's spending some time with her mother."

"Is that so?" Shiho replied quietly, a thoughtful expression crossing her face. "Good. That's good." Then she put the file down and turned to him. "I've forgotten my manners -- would you like something to drink, Kudou-kun?"

He shook his head. "No thanks, I've actually got to get going soon."

"Ah, I see," was all the woman said in response, and she properly stored the file before she stood from her seat. "I'll walk you out then."

---

Shortly after making the antidote, and watching Kudou Shinichi reel in organization members in large numbers, she had slipped out of Tokyo and disappeared, leaving only a letter that gave him the brief overview of her plans: she was going to go somewhere and study, then she would go and find a job.

Ten years later, he managed to find her, and she felt as if a burden had been lifted from her shoulders. He had always had that kind of ability, she mused quietly, eyes cast to the spot where he stood earlier that day.

Her life was peaceful now -- it was the normal life she had desired for so long, and before she knew it, a small, contented smile grew on her lips.

The rubber and antiseptic smell was there for good, she figured. But now, she saw no reason to protest it.

fin


End file.
